Matt Lauer knew he'd be skewered at his Friars Club roast Friday at the Hilton - but when Tom Cruise showed up, he was toast.
The two famously argued over psychiatry and anti-depressants when Lauer interviewed the "War of the Worlds" star on the "Today" show in 2005. 
So when Cruise bounded out of the audience, Lauer nearly fell off the dais.
"People know Matt and I had 'that little thing' a few years ago," the actor told the crowd, which included Brian Williams, Katie Couric, Donald Trump, Tiki Barber, Martha Stewart and Aretha Franklin, who sang the national anthem.
"You know, I was just taking his advice. He told me, 'Nobody wants to hear about your dopey movie. Go crazy. People will love you for it.' 
"Matt's great at giving advice. When Katie asked him if she should leave the 'Today' show for CBS, he said, 'Absolutely, you should definitely do that. People will love you for it.'
"Jay Leno was No. 1, but Matt told [NBC exec] Jeff Zucker to cut his contract. 'You'll be ahead of the curve before his ratings go down and you'll look like a genius. People will love you for it.' Leno's ratings never went down.
"A few months ago, he was talking to O.J. Simpson and he said, 'Juice, those guys in Vegas have all your stuff. Don't be a p---y, just go there and take it. Trust me, Juice. People will love you for it.'" 
As the audience crunched with laughter, Cruise presented a slideshow of Photoshopped pictures of the frenemies jetskiing, frolicking and cooking.
"Matt and I are so close now, that if we can't be together, we talk on the phone three, four times a day. I'll call him up and ask, 'Are you watching this?' And he'll just say 'yeah,' and we'll watch the whole show together on the phone.
"I have to hand it to you, my friend," Cruise went on. "I go from international movie set to movie set, from one amazing party to another, yet you have found happiness doing the same thing every single day. Sitting on a couch, interviewing Charles from 'Knight Rider,' making five-minute radish puffs with Rachael Ray.
"Yes, we all wake up to you every morning - because that was the last channel we had on the night before."
Cruise wasn't the only one who fried the popular NBC host: fellow "Today" staffers Al Roker and Meredith Vieira, anchors Williams and Couric, and professional hit men Richard Belzer and Jeffrey Ross all took their turns at the grill.
Like Joan of Arc, Lauer willingly put himself to the flames for the benefit of the Friars Club foundation, which benefits arts education, and a new journalism scholarship in memory of Tim Russert. 
Lauer managed to get in the last jab.
As Cruise tried to cut out early, the 6-foot Lauer called out to the much-shorter Cruise, "Can't you stay, man? We can get you a booster seat."
